Recovery is a Circle/Spiral

8 months out

My relationship with X lasted 13 years. The number feels both unlucky and auspicious to me.

I numbed out a lot of things when we were together. Daydreaming is my coping method of choice, and I think that’s how I made it thirteen years in someone else’s life.

It was a slow drift into his reality. I described it to a friend once as hair growing; you need a hair cut and you need a hair cut and you need a hair cut but you keep forgetting and suddenly your hair has grown to your waist. When we finally went to couples counseling, twelve and a half years in, zooming from Covid isolation I told her: I do not see myself anywhere in our marriage.